Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
