planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
