The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
organizing the empties. That sober.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
