we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize