I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
