i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
