we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
