i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
