is wine microwaveable?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
