i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
