she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
