In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
