Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
