The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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