it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
