I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
