we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
