And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
