Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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