I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
