Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
