my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
