Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
