if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
