That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
