I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
