thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
