sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
