Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
