my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
