Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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