I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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