my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
