he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
