Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
