Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
