so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
