Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
