Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize