she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
