i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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