My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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