dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
