My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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