we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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