OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
