I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
