Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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