I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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