dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
