dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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