Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
