her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
