i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
