I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
