do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
