something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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