Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
