John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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