Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
