Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
