No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
