This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I die, sorry about rent.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
