I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
