she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
