I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
only you would photoshop your dick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
where are you?
Hypothermia
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize