as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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