dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize