plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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