I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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