I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
