laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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