Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
