The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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