So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
