3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
