I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
