Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
