apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
