i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
