He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
