I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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