please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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