You just made me feel so damn special
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
