Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
