i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
