i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
