ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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