Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
