Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
