I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
