i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
