Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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