can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize