oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize